International Rules on the Island of Maui
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Maui Croquet Club International Rules on the Island of Maui |
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Calendar Coaching Directory Equipment Gallery Glossary History Home Links News Patents Peels People Poetry Rankings Records Rules  Updated by Leo Nikora on 17 February, 2010 Kihei, Maui, Hawaii, United States of America |
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Palindrome Competition |
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WinnerConversation between Trevor Bassett and his opponent (who has not been paying attention to the game during Trevor's break): "On rover Trevor?" "No!" Mike Porter
Second PlaceAdvice to a B Class player entering a championship event with Dave Maugham and Rob Fulford: Bore Dave, evade Rob. George Woolhouse
Third Place (Shared)CA plugs Golf. Never even flogs (gulp) AC. Rob Edlin-White
Referee refer, I did roll, or did I, referee refer. Richard Dickson
Near MissesTell a man of a oaf on a mallet. Leo Nikora
Peels on red, now on level, no wonder no sleep. Richard Dickson
Having just won a tournament in which the prize was a mallet: "Won top spot now, I tell. A mallet!! I won top spot now!" John Riches
Describing what an artistic croquet player like John Prince might do courtside after a few drinks: Draws a red nude leveled under a sward. Louis Nel
"Regg I'd won, Bob now", Digger. Ian Burridge
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Expedition in Play
The Gentle Game
A Crush Shot
A Nonstandard Leave
The Resort at the Mountain
International Team at the MacRobertson Shield
It's Not Easy Being White
Mele to Association Croquet
Dear striker, put your balls in place
And play your stroke with speed and grace.
Anticipate which ball to play
At start of turn; Don't cause delay.
If taking bisque, then indicate
With all dispatch; Please do not wait.
It really don't solve no one's troubles,
Prolonged discussion during doubles.
If wiring test you wish to try,
Then do so with unaided eye.
Don't ask the ref., he'll give short shrift,
Save start of turn when claiming lift.
When games are limited in time,
Remember, please, this little rhyme.
So all our chances be the same,
Play up, play up, and play the game.
The Gentle Game
by Reginald Arkell
Croquet is all very well, in its way,
If you hate all the people you happen to play.
But don't be discouraged - though starting as friends,
You'll hate them like poison before the game ends.
This quarrel, this squabble, this shambles, in fact
With envy and hatred and mallets is packed:
A series of bickers and bruises, and bangs
The venom of vicars will drop from their fangs.
There's something about it that poisons the spleen;
It makes you dogmatic, malicious and mean;
It plumbs, to the depths, every possible vice;
It's callous, it's cruel - it's ever so nice.
A Crush Shot
by David Appleton and Rod Williams
in The Lighter Side of
Serious Croquet
Dolly Rush, alas is dead:
A mallet struck her on the head.
She acted as a referee
When all the others were at tea.
They should have told her not to view
So carefully the follow through.
A Nonstandard Leave
by David Appleton and Rod Williams
in The Lighter Side of
Serious Croquet
Dead from a bite on his derriere,
lan was savaged by a pit-bull terrier;
Dogged by misfortune, his turn is over;
Stuck for ever in the jaws of Rover.
| by Tremaine Arkley The Resort is over alas We knew it would come to pass The tourney's kaput New owners afoot I hope they keep cutting the grass |
by Reg Bamford The Resort was an idyll in the pines Ed and Janice gave us such wonderful times It's such a bummer, That he's done this runner Now there's no more golf at the Nines! |
| by Tremaine Arkley Does "The Rest of The World" exist? It does! Reg Bamford insists Despite the naysayers Amongst many players It remains at the top of his list |
by Reg Bamford The naysayers need an explainer But to me it's never been plainer We've dreamt up a name To develop the game The International Team's a no-brainer! |
It's Not Easy Being White
by Denise Reibman (recited over her Four-Ball Break Brownies)
Croquet is not your childhood game of skinny little wickets,
It takes finesse and strategy to go ahead and stick it,
Through the hoop and hit again, and then hopefully roquet,
Another very distant ball — might not be my forte!
My aim is something to lament, you'd think my mallet was all bent.
I'm pretty good except I lack — direction, skill, and talent!
I stalk the ball, I start my swing, I guess my aim is true,
I think it's good, but, geez Louise! I forget to follow through.
My ball goes flying out of bounds; Leo's eyes go big and round.
Paul's in pain, and his head goes down; And, Kerry muffles a groaning sound.
All three recover somewhat quickly,
They smile at me, but it's somewhat sickly.
I try again, and make a hoop,
Things look good, I give a whoop!
Is there really hope for me?
The odds aren't great, quite honestly.
But as long as I can keep by bisques
And perfect my shots both slow and brisk
The possibility of winning — may actually exist!
Mele to Association Croquet
by Mickey Norvell (to the tune of You Made Me Love You)
You made me love it.
I didn't wanna play it. I didn't think I could play it.
You made me want to.
I guess you always knew it. That most of the time I blew it.
It makes me happy sometimes. It makes me glad.
But there are times Leo, it makes me so damn mad!
It makes me cuss it.
I didn't want to tell you. Hell, I didn't want to tell you.
I want some bisques, that's true.
Yes I do. I need 'em too. You know I do.
Give me, give me, what I cry for.
You know you can give me the kind of bisques I'd die for.
You know you made me love it.
